About five years ago, I was leaving my last bartending job and as I walked down the street to hail a cab I noticed there was a barricade preventing people to walk all the way down the street. I saw people crowded around, so I kept walking past the barricade to see what was going on. As I came on to the scene, I noticed the police walking around a body that was covered with a white blanket. All I knew is that someone had jumped off the roof at the hotel across the street. 

A few weeks later when I was tending bar, someone walked into the establishment and handed me a piece of paper. It was about the man who had jumped out of the hotel. Apparently he had worked in that hotel, he had recently come out to his very religious family and it did not go well at all. His family could not accept that he was gay and the outcome was his suicide. I do not know what he was feeling; pain, anger, overwhelmed by the negative reaction of his family? Whatever was the exact feeling was too much for him to think he could continue on with his life.

Life is a precious thing. I have gone through my own suicide thoughts. I suffer from PMDD, which can make me extremely depressed for weeks. While over the years I have found certain remedies for this, there have been some times when the pain I carried from my past trauma or current anguish or the guilt or shame, that also went hand-and-hand with my alcoholism (which I used as a medication to ease those symptoms, not realizing it was making it worse). The fact of the matter is I didn’t know how to ask for help. Even when I was seeing a therapist, I would hide certain things because I was ashamed for wanting to take my own life when my own feelings were so overwhelming. It’s not that I wanted to die, I just thought life would be easier without living. For me, I always thought about how sad my mom & sister would be during times of extreme hurt & pain. important thing to remember is everyone is different and has a different story, one shouldn’t assume that a person goes home to love & acceptance automatically just because that is your own experience.

After I found out why that man died, I thought about it a lot. I thought it was so sad. I wondered if the family regretting having such a bad reaction, if they had wished they were more welcoming so he would still be there. Even if they truly couldn’t accept his sexual identity, I would like to believe on some spectrum or level that they had to have some remorse in their reaction. The thing is, what this man needed was someone outside his family to have noticed any warning signs. It was my understanding that he was well known & liked in the neighborhood. I did not know him, but I had wished that he felt open to talk about it with someone and could have gotten the support and advice on how to live despite his family currently not having a good reaction to him coming out.

 The fact of the matter is, there are many reasons why people choose suicide or choose not to seek help. For some, there is a stigma that is attached to just the concept of asking for help. For different cultures and genders there is a stigma that goes along with asking for help, some believe that it makes them look weak. A lot of different cultures believe that a man shouldn’t ask for help or talk about his feelings. Not having access to proper mental health services is a also a huge issue. It is also common for some cultures to just bottle everything up inside. Usually bottling everything up ends up in some form of disaster & living in constant pain. There are SO many different reasons why someone may feel suicidal– loosing a job, coming out to family, being bullied at school, a bad breakup, basically everything going on in the world rn (joking but not joking), being treated with inequality due to race, disabled status, or other discriminatory reasons. Everyone is unique and has different stories from each other.

  These times have been difficult for everyone. Mental health issues are on the rise. Our country is in turmoil, it is fact that there is increased substance abuse throughout the country, there is a heightened sense of hopelessness in this new “normal.” More than ever do people need to reach out to those in need in their communities & neighborhoods. Let people know you support them, that they aren’t alone, they you will listen if they want to talk. If someone is displaying serious signs of suicide or tells you they feel suicidal it is very important that you find out if they have a plan, the means to carry out that plan, and how serious they are about acting out that plan. If someone has a plan and the means to carry out that plan it is very important that you give them the number to the national suicide prevention as well as call individually to get directed on the next steps to help them. Being understanding and nonjudgemental is key in this situation.

 Suicide is a permanent decision that can be avoided. There are tools for suicidal individuals to use, as well as others to employ in order to show suicidal people that support that they need. It is something small that can potentially help in such a big way. Most importantly, please have the national suicide prevention lifeline easily accessible—whether it be for you, for someone you know, or someone who hasn’t crossed your path yet. The number is, as Logic said, 800-273-8255.  Please check out the advocating for change tab for more information on suicide. https://morethanjustapeachemoji.com/advocating-for-change/

            About five years ago, I was leaving my last bartending job and as I walked down the street to hail a cab I noticed there was a baracade preventing people to walk all the way down the street. I saw people crowded around, so I kept walking past the baracade to see what was going on. As I ARRIVED I noticed the police walking around a body that was covered with a white blanket. All I knew is that someone had jumped off the roof at the hotel across the street.

            A few weeks later when I was tending bar, someone walked into the establishment and handed me a piece of paper. It was about the man who had jumped out of the hotel. Apparently he had worked in that hotel, he had recently come out to hs very religious family and it did not go well at all. His family could not accept that he was gay and the outcome was his suicide. I do not know what he was feeling; pain, anger, overwhelmed by the negative reaction of his family? Whatever was the exact feeling was too much for him to think he could continue on with his life.

            Life is a precious thing. I have gone through my own suicide baughts. I suffer from PMDD, which can make me extremely depressed for weeks. While over the years I have found certain remedies for this, there have been some times when the pain I carried from my past trauma or current anguish or the guilt or shame, that also went hand-and-hand with my alcoholism (which I used as a medication to ease those symptoms, not realizing it was making it worse). The fact of the matter is I didn’t know how to ask for help. Even when I was seeing a therapist, I would hide certain things because I was ashamed for wanting to take my own life when my own feelings were so overwhelming. It’s not that I wanted to die, I just thought life would be easier without living. For me, I always thought about how sad my mom & sister would be during times of extreme hurt & pain. important thing to remember is everyone is different and has a different story, one shouldn’t assume that a person goes home to love & acceptance automatically just because that is your own experience.

            After I found out why that man died, I thought about it a lot. I thought it was so sad. I wondered if the family regretting haing such a bad reaction, if they had wished they were more welcoming so he would still be there. Even if they truly couldn’t accept his sexual identity, I would like to believe on some spectrum or level that they had to have some remorse in their reaction. The thing is, what this man needed was someone outside his family to have noticed any warning signs. It was my understanding that he was well known & liked in the neighborhood. I did not know him, but I had wished that he felt open to talk about it with someone and could have gotten the support and advice on how to live despite his family currently not having a good reaction to him coming out.

            The fact of the matter is, there are many reasons why people choose suicide or choose not to seek help. For some, there is a stigma that is attached to just the concept of asking for help. For different cultures and genders there is a stigma that goes along with asking for help, some believe that it makes them look weak. A lot of different cultures believe that a man shouldn’t ask for help or talk about his feelings. It is also common for some cultures to just bottle everything up inside. Usually bottling everything up ends up in some form of disaster & living in constant pain.

            These times have been especially difficult for those who have suicide ideation. Our country is in turmoil, it is fact that there is increased substance abuse throughout the country, there is a heightened sense of hopelessness in this new “normal.” More than ever do people need to reach out to those in need in their communities & neighborhoods. Let people know you support them, that they aren’t alone, they you will listen if they want to talk. If someone is displaying serious signs of suicide or tells you they feel suicidal it is very important that you find out if they have a plan, the means to carry out that plan, and how serious they are about acting out that plan. If someone has a plan and the means to carry out that plan it is very important that you give them the number to the national suicide prevention as well as call individually to get directed on the next steps to help them. Being understanding and non-judgemental is key in this situation.

            Suicide is a permanent decision that can be avoided. There are tools for suicidal individuals to use, as well as others to employ in order to show suicidal people that support that they need. It is something small that can potentially help in such a big way. Most importantly, please have the national suicide prevention lifeline easily accessible—whether it be for you, for someone you know, or someone who hasn’t crossed your path yet. The number is, as Logic said, 800-273-8255.